Star Trek Top 10 Lists


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Top ten plots that will never appear on enterprise

10. Ensign Hoshi Sato loses her top while climbing through a jeffries tube. Fortunately though she is wearing an undershirt, preventing a potentially embarrassing moment.

9. Crewman Daniels appears from the future, informs Captain Archer of a grave temporal threat to the federation, but tells Archer not to worry about it, he's got it covered.

8. Sub-Commander T'Pol decides that her tight fitting uniform is inappropriate dress for an officer, and purchases more conservative attire. Trip rapidly loses interest in her, falling for the more exhibitionistic Hoshi.

7. Several Klingon Warbirds nearly blast the Enterprise to shreds, and Trip is unable to repair it to near-spotless perfection by the next episode.

6. Crewman Daniels teleports T'Pol and Seven of Nine to the future, to decide once and for all which crew member can fit the most cleavage in the least amount of uniform. Seven wins due to superior Borg efficiency.

5. Malcolm Reed steps in a pile of dog crap while upgrading the sensors. The very next day, Captain Archer's beloved dog, Porthos, is killed by an accidental phaser discharge.

4. The Suliban mount an assault against earth, decimating all life on the planet, due largely to the fact that Captain Archer has allowed their military might to build, by completely ignoring them since the first season.

3. T'Pol tells a story of how her great-grandmother crash landed on earth in the early 2000's. In order to blend in, and due to her inexperience with humanity, T'Pol's grandmother creates a false identity known as "Paris Hilton" where she pretends to be a total airhead so that nobody will suspect her extraterrestrial origin.

2. T'Pol and Archer travel back in time to 1990's earth. In the course of saving humanity, T'Pol allows a single vulcan hair to be left behind. The hair is found by a pharmaceutical company, which extracts the vulcan DNA. The resultant product is marketed via Internet Spam messages as a breast enlargement wonder-drug.

1. Captain Archer, for the fifteenth time in his career, saves the entire universe, and is rewarded with the gratitude of the vulcans, who acknowledge the contribution that Archer has made.

 

Top 10 ways to rid enterprise of Captain Archer's annoying dog, Porthos:

10. Porthos has taken to crawling inside the photon torpedo tubes and sleeping.

9. Porthos is eaten by one of Dr. Phlox's pets.

8. Porthos shot by Trip after having an "accident" in engineering

7. Porthos is revealed to be not an ordinary dog, but a time-traveler from the future. He is reunited with crewman Daniels, and leaves Enterprise to fight in the temporal cold war.

6. Freak transporter accident merges T'Pol and Porthos, resulting in a loyal, but lazy, crewmate.

5. It is revealed that canine is a delicacy on the Andorian homeworld. Unfortunately, nobody realized this before inviting Shran on board.

4. Porthos makes the mistake of sniffing the behind of a Klingon Targ.

3. Porthos isn't really a dog, but is a Suliban in clever disguise.

2. Porthos is actually a cleverly disguised android dog, who summons a crystal entitty to battle enterprise

1. T'Pol flushes Porthos out an airlock because having a dog onboard simply isn't logical.

 

Top 5 reasons T'Pol should wear a more revealing uniform

5. It would raise Enterprise's ratings by getting the "America's Next Top Model" viewers to tune in an hour earlier.

4. We really need a decent demo of how a sonic shower works.

3. That topless Hoshi seen would have been oh so much better with T'Pol

2. Deanna Troi kept TNG alive for years by wearing a low neckline

1. Because the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.

 

Top 10 ways you know you've watched too much Star Trek

10. You've donated money to save your favorite science fiction series from cancellation

9. You named your pet dog Porthos.

8. You know the top warp speeds of each Enterprise starship

7. You dream of Hoshi Sato, Sub Commander T'Pol, Deanna Troi, Jadzia Dax, Ezri Dax, Beverly Crusher, Major Kira, Seven of Nine, or Yeoman Janice Rand.

6. You dream of Captains Archer, Picard, or Kirk.

5. You are able to explain how the phrase "Red Alert" originated as "Reed Alert", having been named after Malcolm Reed.

4. You watched "Becker" solely because Jadzia Dax costarred in it (and worse yet, you don't know her name other than she was "the chick who played Jadzia Dax")

3. You know all the characters that Jeffrey Combs has played other than Shran.

2. You can sort Deanna Troi, Sub-Commander T'Pol, and Seven of Nine by bust size.

1. You've actually read this entire webpage from top to bottom

 

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